Expectations

How is it that you're so close and I feel like you're so far away
All I've every wanted was your approval
To be told that what I've done is something that makes you proud
But you tell other people how proud you are of me more often than I you tell me
And I hear that some random stranger is proud of me more than I hear it from you
Everything I do is so that you will notice me
So that some reaction can come out of you
But obviously I've been taking the wrong approach because making deans list and accomplishing greatness doesn't get your attention
Maybe I need to become a juvenile delinquent so you to notice me
Because holding three jobs and still accomplishing a high GPA isn't doing the trick
I don't even know why what you say matters anymore
It hurts the inner parts of my own thoughts
Hoping that with another accomplishment your approval will come
Only to get disappointed once again
You're suppose to be there for me no matter what, not just financially but emotionally too
But you're not keeping up your end of the deal
The promise you made when you brought me into this world
And I'm the one whose suffering because of it
You think monetary sacrifices are all you have to give
But all I've ever wanted was your time
All I ever wanted was to know that you cared
All I ever wanted was to know that you were there
Not just as a voice that I heard through my mother but as someone I felt close to
I envy those who can call themselves daddy's girls
It's the one title I wish I had
But this distanced relationship can't possibly produce such familiar terms
I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy when u u pay more attention to her than you do me
But I can't help but think that eventually she'll be going through the same thing
You say I'm selfish
But is it selfish to want your own father's love?
Especially when he's giving it to everyone else around you
Is it selfish to want the one thing you are entitled to as a daughter?
Cuz if nothing else I should be able to say that I have a caring father
A father who is proud of everything I've done
But I can't
Because you're so close and yet so far away
So I'll countinue to find comfort in my own tears
And accept the love that flows from paper and pen
Let the disappointment sink in
And release all expectations into the wind